“your satisfaction is our motto”
friend of lab-o and all around good feller han danley is currently traveling india…a mysterious sort, he travels under the alias jack eschaton……jack is many things (a mystic, a cosmic ringleader, a damn fine pinball player), the least of which is an amazing writer…..and in accordance, he has been sending the most fortunate among us updates about his travels that are chock full of tales of wonder and intrigue complimented by staggering images hes been collecting along the way…..after digesting some of his correspondences, i felt that it would be irresponsible of me to be miserly with such a wealth of stories and experiences..so…..i’ve decide to share them with you all via this blog…….here is the first installment….enjoy!
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might as well talk abut the arrival.
i was being hustled and i knew i was being hustled and i near constantly protested the hustle but was unable to get out from under it.
cabbie at the airport cabbie stand says he’ll take me where i wanna go. seems pretty straight-forward. that’s what cabbies do.
says i gotta pay his manager man before we split. that’s the only part i regret. i shoulda refused. said, i’ll pay you when we get where i wanna be. walk away from the cab if they protest. cuz…
the whole way there he says, i don’t really know that hotel.
i show him a map. it doesn’t help.
maybe we stop at this “tourist information center i know has very good—”
i say — no. no. no better hotel. no “info” center. take me to the Pearl Palace hotel.
we’ll maybe we —
no. take me to the pearl palace hotel.
this back and forth happened no less than 28 times. no shit. no exaggeration.
and wouldn’t you know it– we pull up to the ‘tourist info place’
god dammit.
i’ve been on planes/ in transit well over 24 hours. their 2 in the afternoon is my 2 at night. i just wanna fall onto a bed.
smooth talking, gold chain wearing dude comes out of the joint. he lived in jersey for awhile hisself. he’s gonna tell the driver where to go. i just keep sighing and pointing to it on a map.
say they’ll call the hotel for me. find out exactly where it is. i know this is just bluster. they call someone (even put me on the line) who says “yeah. i’m that hotel. no. we’re all full up.”
keep inviting me in to the office. “have tea. just for a moment.”
no. no. i JUST want to got to the hotel. i don’t wanna book a trip to kashmir. i don’t wanna stay in some other hotel is more better. no tea now, thanks.
this goes on for awhile. they call. it’s “full”. i say i don’t care. just take me there.
and all the time–out my window is an old woman with a baby in her arms who keeps poking me in the shoulder and then making the “food goes to mouth” begging motion and then poking me again. the whole time.
cabbie and i drive off. he’s wandering listlessly. (if a cab can do that )
i say, screw this. there’s a thirty hotels on this block. it’s gotta be near. i’m walkin’.
went into another every corner “tourist info” which is really just a hungry travel agent.
he tries to sell me a few different package deals. (come with me to my houseboat in kashmir!) and then informs me that
I”M NOT EVEN IN THE RIGHT SECTION OF TOWN!!!
i wanted to be in the pahar ganj
god only knows where i was.
dude didn’t even drive me to the right part of town.
so i took a hotel at random. fell down.
next morning– caught the first auto rickshaw (tuk tuk) buzzed by and said– pahar ganj.
close to the markets. close to the train station.
and here i am.
when i say– india is a fever dream.
i mean– it’s hot (93 degrees when i landed)
it’s confusing (i’ve lost my way back to hotel on two different occasions)
demons rush fast past on the wind and quick dissipate (better pay close attention ALL the time. there’s a motorbike coming up fast behind you. there’s bull horns on your left. shit on the road.)
but now it’s day three just ending and i’m smiling near all the time. getting into the rythmn.
spent today in old dehli. took the metro train to get there. tourist stuff. take some pictures of the red fort.
hired a bike riskshaw young dude to take me around. two hours for two dollars.
we stopped in a narrow alley. he asked, you wanna check the Janis temple down the way?
i did.
it was three stories. all marble and gold. indescribable. so beautiful. deserted.
just me and an old man monk dressed all in white took me around and pointed out stuff.
my god but they know how to venerate their gods.
huge altars made from one immmense piece of marble. intricate painting covering EVERYTHING.
an inset base relief of marble, jade and gold of the maharata standing perfectly still with demons above his left shoulder, a tiger leaping from lower right, spears, arrows, elephants all threatening– that was me favorite.
indescribable. and they won’t let you take no photos.
monkeys did their thing on the rooftops all around.
came out and my driver said– man. you need some new pants. (if you saw me before i left– you know the ass is all torn out. if you didn’t see me before i left– you can pretty easily guess)
so i stop at a blanket on the road in the pants section of dehli is one immense never ending market and look at some pants. i am then immeadiatly surrounded by about fifteen curious dudes wanna watch me –what? buy pants? i guess. they sure did get a laugh out of it.
the rickshaw young turk pedaled me all they way back to the main bazzar.
bonus bit—–
“The Doctor Fox Lecture: A Paradigm of Educational Seduction,” a 1973 article still widely cited by critics of student evaluations, Donald Naftulin, a psychiatrist, and his co-authors asked an actor to give a lecture titled “Mathematical Game Theory as Applied to Physician Education.” The actor was a splendid speaker, his talk filled with witticisms and charming asides — but also with “irrelevant, conflicting and meaningless content.” Taking questions afterward, the silver-haired actor playing “Dr. Myron L. Fox” affably answered questions using “double talk, non sequiturs, neologisms and contradictory statements.” The talk was given three times: twice to audiences of psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers, the last time to graduate students in educational philosophy. In each case, the evaluations by the audience were highly laudatory. To these audiences, Dr. Fox was apparently articulate and intellectual, not a fraud.
it’s all about keeping your chin up.
people will believe most anything if you smile when you say it.
here endith the lesson
there’s something all night click buzzing in my bathroom. i can’t track it down. is it a cricket? mouse in the wall?
it stops for awhile when i open and slam the door
i was gonna tomorrow take a 2 hour express train leaves at 5 in the morning trip to agra. check out that there taj mahal
but today is sunday and i didn’t secure a ticket early enough so….
we’ll just see
be seeing you
jack eschaton
